It is not all about you

There have been a couple amusing threads lately on one of the triathlon forums that I like to read.  While this forum often has really good technical information, there are occasions when threads are started and propagated which reveal the selfish nature of triathletes (and people for that matter).  Most recently, the subject has been about unsupportive spouses or SO's.  While most of us have what I believe is a fairly healthy outlook on the importance of our hobbies (and even most pro triathletes seem to have a healthy outlook on their jobs), there are a few misguided souls who believe that the world (triathlon and otherwise) revolves around them.  Believe it or not, the real world doesn't really care that you were 15th at the Bob Green Mother's Day Triathlon in 1986.  Or even 1st for that matter. 

The reality of it is that most (and some say all) should do these sporting things for our health and leave it at that.  Now, some of us enjoy testing ourselves, which is why we compete.  And there are others who have a "bucket list" (I really dislike that term) and feel that they need to cross things off to feel like they've lived a full life.  I'm not speaking about the bucket list people, because I don't share the same philosophy.  Awhile back, I posed the question of whether someone had a passion or a bucket list, as I think that each has a distinct personality; I fit into the first group.

Anyway, back to my original thoughts.  The idea that your spouse or SO is unsupportive is an unfortunate one but sometimes that's the reality.  The concern is that the lack of support may be related to a deeper problem with the relationship and is only exacerbated by the hobby, so improving the relationship is probably what needs to happen.  Triathlon is not the scapegoat in this case; it is simply the "canary in the mineshaft."  A further problem that also speaks to a problem with the relationship is keeping triathlon to oneself.  There are examples of triathletes buying expensive  pieces of equipment and never telling their SO or hiding it.  Again, this speaks to a problem with the relationship.  And, lest you think that "well, it's my money, so I can do with it what I want," um... again, since you are sharing your life with that person, well, I've got news for you:  it's not only YOUR money.

What about the idea that one is spending too much time with their hobby and it is all-consuming?  I see this more in the newer triathlete, who "gets the bug" and can't get enough of it.  All triathletes have some amount of obsessiveness; that is their nature.  But, getting too wrapped up in any one thing is never healthy.  I preach moderation in all things in life to my patients, and I try to live my life that way.  So, balancing things in your life is a key to keeping things on a more level plane, and, usually, after the initial infatuation with the new hobby that is triathlon, things calm down to a more reasonable level.  What about the person who never balances it out, to the detriment of spouse and family?  First off, it's usually the male.  Males, myself included, are a selfish breed.  We're used to looking out only for ourselves.  From firsthand experience, though, what snapped me out of selfishness (for the most part) was having children.  All of a sudden, the universe no longer revolves around the male, but around their kids.  And if that doesn't change the perspective on life, I don't know what else will.  Second, that again speaks to someone who has other personality issues, and they're likely to find themselves alone.

And finally, there is the thought on how to bring your spouse or SO into the circle of triathlon.  I was fortunate in that my spouse knew that triathlon was important to me, and so she embraced it.  She even did two triathlons and realized that it was not her thing.  However, she didn't belittle it.  Rather, she encouraged me, even when I decided to do an Ironman (or two), helping to keep me well-fed and healthy.  Tracy's only rules were that 1) I tell her when I was leaving and when I'd be back from a training session, so that she could reliably plan things, and 2) I would be functional after a training session or race and wouldn't be a worthless lump on the couch.  So, yes, she accompanies me to most races, even at O-Dark thirty in the morning, although I have gone to races on my own.  She is even more likely to go to races now, since David is racing as well.  I decided to give up on Ironman races for the present, since I couldn't spend the time necessary to train adequately and get enough rest to keep me healthy.  But that was the choice I made, rather than one that was forced on me.  And besides, I like to go fast, so going all out for an hour has more appeal to me than going at a moderate (or slower) pace for many hours. 

What about getting the kids involved?  How did I "manage" that?  That's a topic for another day.